Secret

I can't tell anyone...This little quake in my heart, I have to keep him like my biggest secret. The scream at my ears, I have to pretend like there is no sound. Eventhough the strongest rush all over me, I have to keep my cool, keep calm. I may have sinned, but still, I have to look like I have been praying this whole time. Shhh, I have to be quite, I can't tell him that, I can't tell anyone...

Time doesn't heal anything, it hasn't! Only I know how much my heart has been bleeding, how big the fire is, how much it hurts, how much it truely burns, it burns so much that my tears cannot do anything, they can't put the fire out, they can't wet my heart, the shower of my tears can't clean my heart, it's still a big mountain of ashes. He smoked me...

For the last couple of months I can walk on the street with no shame, because I realize that nothing was my fault; I didn't open my heart wide so that somebody can enter and take the purity away, take the virginity of my heart...It wasn't my fault; somebody raped my heart! I wasn't willing to give it away, I didn't resist it neither, I just didn't know. I knew nothing, I only had beliefs, only saw dreams, only sang songs, only made wishes, called for prayers, I played that "trust game", I closed my eyes, and let myself fall thinking somebody would catch me, I only loved.

I will suffer, I will struggle, inside I can feed this hunger, I just can't tell anyone...So just hush, and keep hitting me all you want, I can handle! I will make no sound, will smile no more, will cry no more, I will not let anybody know. All because it's you I love...Shhh!