The Leather Jacket

He could be miles away, but believe me, he hears you. He has to...You love him not only when you see the real world, you love him even in your sleep, you're dreaming of him when you're awake. You're longing for the smell of his jacket, that leather jacket he used to wear all the time, you know the smell of it! Because, he held you many times...with that jacket on him. No, don't wake me up! -Raindrops and "I'm With You" by Avril Lavigne- He really held me so many times, we kissed on a bridge, it was raining, very dark, just me, him, and his jacket. He took it off, I was soaking so he gave it to me. He was taller than me. His hair would touch my face with every single raindrop crashed to his head. I remember the length of his hair. I looked up, felt his breath, we kissed, between our lips we drank the raindrops for hours, fulfilling the thirstiness for each other. His beard would hurt me in the sweetest way, nobody's teeth could ever bite my lips any softer. He was so strong, I trusted him. Not me, he was the King...

He took me by the hand to all those new places...They're now the old places that I miss. I was so young, so small in his hands. In his hands I grew up; became a man, from his hands I fell down; became a whore. I've always missed him, still do. I am so strong now, strong enough to weaken myself when I see him. I'm still 17 when I see him, hear him, think of him, dream of him. I can't even be mad at him. It was so much more comforting in his arms. I want him to be in charge, take over me, rule my world, be my King again. I saw...He became so weak, too weak to take my hand. So I bought myself a leather jacket in the middle of Summer, waiting for the Fall, waiting for the rain to come, leaves to fall...preparing myself to hold him. Hello, this time, I'm the King, to never let go!

The Soccer Player

How come he got to humiliate me in the worst ways possible and still made me fall in love with him? Was it cuz he was so masculine? Maybe it's because he had the perfect smell? Could it be his eyes? Perhaps, his lips? Oh yes, the fact that he was a soccer player is undeniably sexy, right? He was older than me, could that be it? Is it cuz he would pick me up from my dorm and we would make out in his car like high school sweet hearts? He knew where to touch?

Reality: NO! I think the reason is that he kept on making me feel unwanted! The more I wanted to be closer, the harder he closed his doors, and then, of course, I wanted to be even closer than just closer. He broke my code! He figured it out, and used it against me, he took advantage of it, motherfucker! They do it! They do it all the time! Trust me, they do it because they want us more than we want them, they're so afraid of losing. Low self-esteem for a soccer player, don't you think? Tricky bastard!

The sad thing is that I was, in fact I still am, so dramatic that I even liked all those misbehaving, almost everywhere. He even slapped me on the face in a club once, just cuz I kinda pushed a friend of him on purpose and the idiot fell down. Well, he was hitting on my boyfriend, in front of my eyes, looking in my eyes! I had to do that! But yeah, he slapped me, then hugged me...I liked the fact that he hugged me and everything, but I also made a promise to myself. I promised that he will not be able to do such a thing to me, ever again. How sick I was to let him hit me? I did let him, it was me, my fault! That was me crossing the line. Where was my dignity? My honor? Pride? Self-esteem? I am a boy also, where was my penis for fuck's sake?! I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN IT OUT AND PUT IT RIGHT UP IN HIS ASS! Oh yeah, I'm a bottom...

I'm not gonna lie, the sex was so good. You know how they say "the sky was the limit"...Yeah, well, I was so high above the sky! It felt like no other male bodies could match like ours did. His beard would hurt me in the sweetest way, nobody's teeth could ever bite my lips any softer...

Then he sleeps with my best friend...Let me put it this way; he fucked my best girlfriend! Yeap, he was a true bisexual. As if me seeing this with my own eyes wasn't enough, he tells me in front of my friend that we were never together, we never had anything, and that I should just cut it out and hit the reality. That was kind of unforgivable. It wasn't the kind of drama I would like, It was the sickening type of drama, the one that would make you rush to the toilet and throw up between the ugliest words you would ever use in your life! I asked him to just leave, and he goes "You sure you don't wanna join?" Yes, he is that much of a jerk!

I don't talk to him anymore. I loved him a lot, but I don't love him anymore. I, now, know his games, and they're not fun anymore. So, Mr. Soccer Player, you can keep on playing, but I'm off the field, I've already won this war...

Independence Day, Independent Gay!

Same old same. He leaves you, and you end up spending the night with your tissues, that one movie you adore, possibly some pop-corn, and if you're lucky enough you have a friend with you who brings the very correct brand of wine. Because, how come he can do this to you, right? You gave him everything you could, right? Oh wait, you idiot, you tried to give him even more than what you could give someone, right? That..is PATHETIC! Because you know why? He's already fucking with another now! So, please, don't feel so special, you're just another loser. Except if you were a strong one, strong enough to take that ring off, break that promise, burn those pictures, leave that house, change your number, I don't know, find exactly what it is that he thinks you cannot do, and then just DO IT!

Throw away whatever ring you are wearing right now. By ring, I don't only mean ring, whatever it is that keeps you with him. Take it off! You can put it back on, but first answer these questions: 

1. Why are you wearing that "ring"?

2. Really?!

3. Are you earning enough money to afford your own life?

4. Can you avoid being judged by him once you make a decision on your own?

5. Do you EVER think of another boy, just simply having breakfast in London, Paris, wherever?

6. Do you say "no, you're stupid" in your mind when he calls you "stupid"?

7. Are you still waiting for him to text you?

Why are you doing this to yourself? Everybody has a prince charming out there. Why kiss the ugly "wise man"?!

Earn money! Seriously, earn money just like your mom did! So you can grab your Louis Vuitton, jump in your  ride and take off...You don't always have to wait for someone to come pick you up. I don't know who you are, but I believe in you! Let the day you read this post be your Independence Day, the day you don't have to wear any make up on, the day you become your number one, the day that the sun rises for you. Congratulations my friend, you are now "you and you"! I cannot see you, but I bet you make a sexy couple ;)